From as young as two, you're asked, "have you made any friends at nursery?", right up until you venture into your first job and you're asked, "anyone nice working there?". We live in a world where we must be sociable and we must make friends in any new situation. So for the ones of us who struggle and find after months of school, or working that we aren't best buddies with our new colleagues and we're actually leaving work feeling relieved we don't have to see their faces for a day or two, it makes us feel different.

Many times, I left work feeling lonely, rejected and most importantly, unable to fit in. I didn't like sitting there talking over trivial matters and trying to spark up a friendship with someone I had absolutely no connection with. I assumed no one was like me and everyone else was happy figuring out their place in the world. It was only once I'd discovered the online community, that I realised that wasn't the case.

I had always assumed your "tribe" had to be a group of people, from the same environment (i.e school, work) but I've since learned, your tribe can be whoever the hell you want it to be. From being severely bullied in school, to enduring crippling anxiety now; it's hard to keep friends, especially if they don't understand. I never thought there were people like me out there. People battered, bruised and just looking for positivity in their life. And then I found the blogging community.

Yes, 95% of my friends are online. Guess what? That doesn't mean we care any less. That doesn't mean we love any less. Hell, sometimes I haven't even met them in person but it doesn't matter because we text, we call, we write, we're involved in each other's lives just as much as "normal" friends. And when you do meet them? I can't explain the pure elation you feel after opening up to someone for months on end and you meet them to be greeted with two emotions: love and acceptance. You've told them the last time you sunk into depression, they pulled you out of the darkness. You've told them your're feeling unloved, they showed you your worth.

Now, this isn't to shame any other friends you have besides the ones you make online. I have made some incredible friends throughout my life, in school and at work but I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I felt like a drifter. Floating from place to place, trying to find somewhere that truly accepted someone like me. It may have taken me 23 years but I have and in the last 6 months, my tribe has encouraged me to do things I never thought possible. I talk to authors without choking up, I film in public, I manage to film with other people, I've opened up about my health, mental and physical, I've left the house and attended events. All things that this time last year, weren't even in touching distance.

This post was actually inspired by a parcel I received today. Someone who hasn't been in my life long but she was the only person I told when I recently relapsed with self-harming. I started talking to her and the words wouldn't stop and I realised I'd managed to do one of the hardest things of all when you're struggling with mental health: telling someone. Once I'd received this parcel, I sat on the floor and sobbed for a good thirty minutes because finding people that understand you and accept you in whatever you're going through, they're hard to find and I am so grateful for you, Han.


To my ever-growing tribe. To Liv, to Han, to Steph, to Rebecca, to Amy, to Gem, to Sarah, to Kate, to Liz, to Zoya, to Becky, to Hannah, to Rhian, to Louise, to Thom, to Faye, to Charlotte, to Rachel, to Kelly, to Cora and to every wonderful person that has helped me in the past few months, I bloody love you.