I Am Proud. I Am Happy. I Am Bisexual.

Today is National Coming Out Day. I thought I'd share my story on my sexuality and my story. I'll be honest, although I don't hide my sexuality, I've always been really reluctant to talk about it. If you ask me, I'll tell you I'm bisexual but it's not something you'll have seen me shouting from the rooftops or parading around the streets of London celebrating and embracing. It's not that I don't want too, or that I'm ashamed; I was and always have been, scared.

I remember being 13/14 and my room being covered in posters of men and women. Everyone around me used to say, "Why do you have posters of girls on your wall? That's so weird". It was then that the seed of doubt was planted; I was different. I felt the same way looking at Demi Lovato, as I did Joe Jonas. Something was definitely wrong with me, none of my friends were like this.

And then you get older and people say, "you're experimenting", "it's just a bit of fun". The little voice in my head would whisper back, "but my feelings are real". It wasn't just a drunken kiss, it wasn't just a dare: I wanted to do that.

And then I met "Jenny". It was my first day of college, a fresh start, a place where I could embrace who I was. I noticed her instantly, she was beautiful and funny. Better yet, she noticed me too. It was just as awkward and clumsy as any other relationship I'd had previously but the love was there. It was new for me, it was exciting. We kissed and I felt like I was alive and truly myself for the first time. We fizzled out after a short relationship but it was my first lesbian relationship, and that was a huge thing for me.

We only ever kissed. I was 18 and that was all I'd ever done, with either sex: just kissing. Then rumours started at college that we'd done more, much more. I was mortified, nobody knew that we had even been together besides "Jenny". It hurt more than I can tell you that someone I cared so much about had spread my secret. My story. She was openly bisexual but I wasn't ready and that wasn't her story to tell. Not only had she told my secret, she'd spread lies about me to a place I had so desperately wanted a fresh start in.

I'm happily married now (to a man) and quite happy to tell whoever asks that I'm bisexual. Quite happy to comment on how gorgeous Demi Lovato is and that she never was "just a girl crush". Quite happy to celebrate LGBT without talking about myself. But telling this story? This is hard and made me feel like people would talk about me, and I wasn't ready for that. Now I am.

I've never "come out" to my family. I've never "come out" to my friends. I never felt like it should be a big celebration but it should be, because this is who I am. This is me. I am proud. I am happy. I am bisexual.

1 comment

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