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SUFFERING IN SILENCE.

When you're diagnosed with a chronic illness, and given an extensive list of symptoms you may experience, it's a lot to digest. And any time you experience any of those symptoms (no matter the duration, or severity), you assume it's the condition. Feeling more fatigued than usual? PoTS. Feeling more nauseous than usual? HSD.

And the longer the symptoms last, the more accustomed to them you become. I've felt nauseous every day for the past few years, and genuinely can't remember what it feels like to not have that knot in my stomach. For the past six months or so, I've been going to the toilet between 5-10 times a day, and I assumed it was due to HSD; and although it meant I barely left the house due to tiredness, and embarrassment - I just got on with life.

Fast forward to July (the symptoms had worsened in February), and I had my annual consultation with my PoTs doctor in London. She asked me for the usual updates, and then asked if anything had changed. I'm not sure why I mentioned it, but I told her that I hadn't been able to get off the toilet, and how I'd had nausea every day for years.

She stared at me - absolutely baffled. "And you haven't told anyone this?", she asked, bemused. I shook my head. The sincerity that laced her voice when she said the next sentence sent me into an explosion of tears - "You don't have to be living with this. That isn't normal". I didn't? I didn't have to deal with this alone? I didn't have to suffer in silence? It had never occurred to me that I didn't always have to live in pain...

She handed me some tissues, and immediately told me that she had sent a letter to my GP, and I'd have all the necessary tests in due course. She seemed in genuine shock I had never mentioned this to her before, and seemed even more shocked that I'd never seen a gastro doctor before. I left that appointment a month and a half ago, feeling numb. Wondering why I had let this go on for over half a year; pretending that it was normal.

My GP thought it may be IBS and gave me some tablets to try - they did nothing. I had blood tests, did stool samples (funny story - involving a yoghurt pot, and a very tiny spatula!), and awaited the results anxiously. I had an appointment last week where she told me that I had two kinds of anemia - iron deficiency, and folate deficiency. I'd never had either of those before, and it certainly didn't match up to my symptoms. But hey - at least I found out why I was sleeping for 12 hours and still struggling to get out of bed!

I went for more blood tests, and they had noticed that my CRP levels were abnormal. A phone today confirmed that I wasn't dying (hurrah!), but they were keeping a close eye on me. On Monday, I have another appointment to discuss meeting a gastro doctor so they can carry out an endoscopy (camera down my throat, into my stomach), and take a biopsy. I'll be honest, I'm scared. Terrified, in fact.

The last month, I've been diagnosed with two new conditions (and am now on two lots of new medication), and am awaiting to find out the cause of my stomach symptoms. In the interim, I just stay at home - taking 4 Imodium and praying that will see me through to the following day.

I know the doctors are being careful with their words - they don't want to scare me in case it's nothing serious. For someone that had two heart operations before aged 20, and was diagnosed with two chronic health conditions between the ages of 19-24, and then a further two at aged 25; you'd think I'd be used to this. I'm not. It's a lot for one person to take on - especially whilst single-handedly running a business.

I feel like every time I dip my toe back into the blogging/vlogging world, life comes along and sweeps me away again. Then I return a few months later with an obligatory blog update. Hello, obligatory blog update!

While we're talking about suffering in silence - I referred myself a few weeks ago for counselling, and already have my phone assessment next Tuesday (yay!). If you're suffering, physically or mentally, reach out. You don't have to go to the doctors and take tablets (I hated anti-depressants); you can refer yourself online through your local wellbeing service, and they're absolutely brilliant.

They say life is a rollercoaster, and I definitely feel like I've been plummeting on the world's largest drop for the past few months. Fingers crossed that I get some (not so scary!) answers soon, and I can resume life as I know it. Even without my new symptoms, I will never have a "normal" life - but it's a life I love, all the same. And the only direction I want to be heading in now, is up.


4 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR READING HABITS

4 Ways To Improve Your Reading Habits
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A lot of people understand that reading is an important mental exercise. However, an equally substantial number of readers also lack ideas on how to
improve their reading skills. This article brings you the master tricks on how to hone your reading habits like a real pro.
  1. Schedule your reading times
Draw a fixed timetable dedicating a few minutes or hours of your day to reading your books. It serves as an efficient reminder pushing and guide to get you reading. For instance, you can schedule your reading hours before lunch and dinner. If you are a corporate worker, scheduling your timetable before bedtime also sounds like a good idea. But this will mean that you have to commit maybe 40 to 60 minutes of your day to read a book every night. Virtual workers who have control over their work schedules can also divide up their reading periods into four times a day, with each reading session lasting at least 10 to 15 minutes. 
  1. Set your reading goals
A man without a vision is less likely to accomplish a mission. When you set an achievable reading goal, you can realize it, with the help of your timetable. Planning your goals helps to widen your vocabulary, knowledge depth, and your ability to make correlations between the pieces of information you consume. A reading goal can be as simple as setting a target number of pages to read or to learn interesting topics in science, business, or even IT.
  1. Keep more books
There's nothing wrong with reading more books. It only makes you smarter. So make it a point to keep more books so that you always have something to read. As you move around, you can also carry your books along with you, and read them at every least opportunity. For example, some avid readers take their books with them when they are heading to the hospital for a check-up with their doctors. This way, they can read a few paragraphs while waiting for their turn to see the doctor. If you need glasses to read, consider getting foldable reading glasses to add more convenience.
  1. Install book-reading apps
The internet is fast-becoming the best resource for knowledge hunters who are eager to improve their reading habits. However, physical books are bulky and less portable as compared to digital books (e-books). There is a huge hype around audiobooks because of the convenience they provide. People can listen to audiobooks even as they travel. If you install nonfiction book-summary apps like Blinkist, you will have the flexibility to gain relevant book insights as well as full-length audiobooks, all in one application. So, if conventional hardcovers no longer appeal to your reading senses, switch to online books, and you can improve your appetite for books. 

Reading demands the right mindset. A great book can contain all the vital information you need and bring you great satisfaction. But if you don't know the techniques, you may not be able to enjoy it as much or learn anything substantial. So, use these tips to improve your reading experience.