If you've been following me for a while or know me in person, it's pretty much guaranteed you'll know that I have two heart conditions. If you know this, skip this part because you've probably not only heard about it, but helped me through an episode...they happen a lot.
When I was 17, I was at work and suddenly felt like my heart was racing. I'd had it before, palpitations, right? Except these weren't going and it seemed too fast. I called the doctors and was taken in an ambulance, with a heart rate of 230bpm. I was told I had SVT (which basically means you have a fast heart) and that there was a cure (an operation) with a 95-98% success rate...yay! Guess who had it done and was in that 2% of people it doesn't work on? You guessed it, me. Guess who had it done a second time and was still in that 2% of people who it didn't work on? I'm rushing on a bit, but yes, it didn't work both times.
So I had the first op, thinking things would be great...they weren't. The first op only took 45 minutes, I was in and out the same day and feeling fab, I was so hopeful. I've learned being hopeful is a very dangerous thing. A few months after, the symptoms were back, but accompanied by chest pains and a host of other unpleasant sypmtoms. I was in A&E two or three times a month and I was getting to the end of my tether. I had test, after test, after test. Treadmill tests, tilt tests, ECGs, blood tests, chest x-rays, ultrasounds, echos...you name it, I had it.
I was suddenly told I had a second condition, called POTS. Except no GP or local NHS cardiologist knew what it was or how to deal with it. "Look it up online", my cardiologist told me. 2014, my mum found a usually private, surgeon up London, who knew all about POTS and SVT, and was top in his field. She wrote to him, begging to see me on the NHS and telling him my story. I saw him within a month and he confirmed what I'd been trying to say to the doctors all along, "you need another operation" and put me on tablets for my other condition. Happy days, I thought. After 3 days in hospital, 4-5 hours in theatre, laying awake on a table, having pieces of my heart burned away and having to tell the doctors to stop each time I was in pain; I wasn't exactly feeling "happy days" but it was okay, I'd be fine after this ordeal. WRONG.
The symptoms were, and still are there to this day. I was offered a third, more intrusive operation or more tablets. I took the tablets, they didn't help. And now we're up to date and I can try to explain what's happening now. I woke up one day with a numb left hand, which spread to my arm and then started creeping up my left foot, to my left leg. I knew the heightened risk of stroke in people with heart conditions but I tried to keep it secret. Except then I couldn't see properly and I started to go foggy. You'd have expected me to have gone then, wouldn't you? I didn't. I hadn't felt the same since and then I started getting constant, severe chest pain (which I'm still getting now) and I knew something just wasn't right. So there have been talks of mini-strokes and honestly, it's scary to think that it might be that and it's scary to think that it isn't. So I've booked a private consultation with a cardiologist, this Saturday; where I imagine the tests will start again and I'll get some pretty terrifiyng, but needed, answers.
So. for now, I'm signed off work, going slightly insane, waiting for the unknown to happen. Be patient with me for the coming weeks, I'm sure I'll be a nightmare. I probably won't be posting as much. I have a few videos that were recorded a few weeks ago that I'll put up but I'm not sure I'm ready to start filming again yet.
And that brings me to today. I'm getting all my hair cut off. Most of it, anyway. "WHY", everyone has screamed. Because I want control. I want to feel like I have control over something in my life and yes, I may hate my hair but I made that decision and when you feel like you have no choice in your life, making decisions is a big thing.
For everyone that's supported me over the years, thank you. For anyone that's just joining my journey, thank you. And for anyone that's taken the time to read my rantings, thank you.
For now and for always.
- Zoe
My ever so brave daughter in law. The strength of 100men and beyond. I have no idea how she keeps going but with my son by her side I know she will. Thankfully Saturday is nearly here ,and answers one way or another are almost in reach.
ReplyDeleteLove this girl so much and her beauty will shine regardless.😍😍😍😍