If you've been following my blog for a while, you will know that I live with a chronic illness called PoTS. If you didn't know this, you may want to read this blog first: What Is PoTS?

My heart-rate on a good day

I was working in a dental surgery when I was 17, and I suddenly just didn't feel right. The palpitations had been going on far too long, and they felt far too strong. I called the doctors and they told me to come immediately. Not assuming it was anything serious, I got one of my work colleagues to drive me there, where I was told my heart rate was 230bpm and an ambulance was required immediately. 2 months later, I had my first heart surgery.




Fast forward 3 years. I'd had the same operation again and it had failed - again. I was then told that I had a new condition: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. One that doctors knew very little about. One that left me feeling completely isolated.

Here I am now, 7 years later, with a specialist in PoTS. Yes, it's taken 7 years. I've been booked in for my 3 day autonomic testing, whereby they put me up in a hotel with my carer and extensive testing is carried out throughout the 3 day period.

Here are the tests listed below:


Initially, I was filled with joy. And if I'd written this post a few days ago, my excitement would have oozed from every word. I don't feel that anymore. I just feel fear. Fear that this will be the most exhausting 3 days. Fear that I'm going to pushed beyond my limits. Fear that the tests will come back inconclusive. Fear that nothing can be done to help me. Fear that I'll be stuck like this forever.

My appointment is March 12th, but I will be brave. I will be strong. I am so lucky to have my husband, my mum and my stepdad all by my side on the days I'm in hospital; I don't think I could do it on my own. 99% of me is filled with terror, but that leaves 1%. And that 1% is a feeling I've not had for a very long time: hope.

I will vlog the 3 days in the hope that it helps others like me. Since I was diagnosed, that's all I've ever wanted to do. I've done multiple charity events and raised over £2,000 for people in my position, and I will continue to raise awareness through blog posts and videos.

My birthday is on 10th March. My testing starts on 12th. This is the best birthday present I've received in a very long time.

Where do I even begin this post? How do I even start to articulate how I'm feeling or what this means to me? In short: I can't. But I guess I'm going to have to try.

Mid last-week, I was aware that the longlist for the UKYABA (UK Young Adult Blogger Awards) was being announced. After already buying tickets and voting for my favourites several weeks before, I wasn't expecting anything other than to cheer on my favourites as they got nominated, and support them in any way that I could. You can't even imagine my surprise when my name appeared SIX TIMES on the longlist. I was aware I could only move forward in 3 categories, but figured something had gone wrong - because there was no way I was worthy of being shortlisted in 3.

Friday night came around. I was shortlisted in 3. To say I was overwhelmed and shocked, was the understatement of the year. One of the best moments was seeing I'd been shortlisted in a category with someone who has been everything I needed and more in the past year - Liv (thatfictonlife). Everyone I'm shortlisted with is insanely talented, and I've been a huge lover of all of their blogs/channels - so whilst it's very exciting, it's hugely intimidating. 

The categories I have been shortlisted for are:

Champion Vlogger

• Be it discussions, book-challenges or book reviews, this award is about Vloggers who share their book-love passionately. (Their channels may have other content but book reviews/content are the core.)

Best Growing Blogger (2-4 years)

• Bloggers who have been around for a few years, worked to build their blog and are continuing to champion books.

Marvellous Blogger Award

• This is about bloggers who makes you feel happy about being part of the book blogging community. Is it because they have great book recommendations? Or because they always send you that perfect gif on Twitter when you need it? How about because they cheer on authors? Or you? They send real/virtual care-packages? Something about this blogger makes UKYA book blogging a better place for you. It can be a tiny thing or a big thing but it matters!

Even reading those little explanations back now make me well up. The fact that people even voted for me enough so I was shortlisted is more than I was ever expecting, so if you voted, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Champion Vlogger is the one that really left me feeling choked. Being in front of a camera was something I always found difficult, and something I practised for a long time. It's only recently that I've been able to post videos without scripting them! I think to know that people also value my channel, as much as my blog was a huge eye-opener for me and as strange as it sounds, made me feel like I must be good at what I do. (I'm a huge self-doubter!)

I am so unbelievably proud of what I've been able to achieve in the past year, despite my chronic illness, despite my mental health: I did this. As someone who last April was housebound, unable to work, unable to get out of bed most days; here I am almost a year on, with my own book business, had my own book club, being nominated for 3 awards. Just wow. And to be recognised for it, is one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. 

Voting closes on 31st January, and if any of you would be willing to vote for me again, or for the first time, my gratitude would know no bounds. All you have to do is:

UK Authors: Request a form by emailing ukyaba@gmail.com with the subject: UKYABA Shortlist Voting – Author Voting Form (you must have proof you're an author, i.e link to your book)

UK Bloggers: Request a form by emailing ukyaba@gmail.com with the subject: UKYABA Shortlist Voting – Book Blogger Voting Form (you must be an active UK YA blogger)

If you don't vote for me, trust me, I understand. The talent in every category is incredibly strong and I struggled to vote as my favourites feature heavily. I'm not going to pretend that walking away with an award wouldn't be amazing. Of course I'd love to win one of my categories, so here's hoping! And if not? It's something to work towards next year....

I've also seen lots of tweets about people feeling like a failure because their blog wasn't nominated. Guys, I wasn't nominated once last year, but made six categories this year. Don't let it get you down, book bloggers are all amazing and no amount of awards can change that. 

This post is from Charlotte, Somewhere, a contributor to nosaferplace. Charlotte is a wife, mother, cocker spaniel owner and someday Queen of the Universe. She can almost always be found with her face in a book and a coffee in her hand. She likes writing, knitting, crafty things, baking, eating, walking, taking photos and nurturing a close relationship with her sofa and blankets.

1. Hi Paula! Your new YA book, Shell, is out this month. Can you tell us a bit more about the book?

Hi Zoe, It’s lovely to be on your blog.  Shell is a psychological thriller about sixteen-year old Lucy Burgess who has terminal cancer. Lucy is preparing herself to face death, but one day she wakes up cancer-free and discovers, to her horror, that her parents have had a surgeon perform a body transplant on her.  She’s now trapped in a donor’s body with only her brain and eyes left of who she was. As Lucy struggles to come to terms with this new body and having to now live a life she didn’t choose, she realises that cheating death comes at a price.   

2. I'd say this book is even darker than your previous YA books. Are dark thrillers your favourite genre to write? (They are definitely my favourite to read!)

Yes, Shell is darker than both The Truth About Celia Frost and Blood Tracks but I’m also a big believer in having hope even in the darkest of situations.  Right from the opening page the physical, emotional and psychological journey that Lucy Burgess goes on in Shell is tough and intense but we see how Lucy faces up to the challenges.

I also love reading good dark thrillers and I definitely enjoy writing in this genre as I can get my teeth into some meaty story-lines and try to create complex, intriguing characters.  I love the intricate plotting involved in writing thrillers; working out all the twists and turns.  The story is fermenting away in the back of my mind and it’s so satisfying if I have a Eureka moment and suddenly work out which way the plot should go or what a particular character should do.   

3. Where did you draw inspiration from for Shell? It is an incredibly unique idea...

Thanks, Zoe.  My initial inspiration actual came from my fifteen-year old daughter.  One day she said to me, ‘What if rich people could pay to cheat death by somehow keeping themselves alive?’  This question intrigued me and it sparked off a train of thought that led me to researching body transplants. It’s a concept that is still in the sphere of science fiction.  However, as I suspected, scientists all over the world are trying to make it a reality.  I’ve been following one in particular called Professor Sergio Canavero, who has been trying to perform this procedure for years and is determined he’ll succeed (although he does come across as your archetypal ‘Mad Professor’).  I find it a fascinating subject, riddled with ethical issues and one that encapsulates the primal desire, in many humans, to be able to cheat death.

Once I realised that I wanted to write a dark tale about a dying teenager being given a body transplant Mary Shelley’s incredible Gothic tale played around my mind.  Although Shell is different to the story-line of Frankenstein I was inspired by the novel’s concept of an arrogant scientist trying to play God by creating a life which was ‘against nature’.  I wanted to put the focus of the narrative on the ‘creation’ and allow the reader to walk in the shoes of a girl who has been trapped in someone else’s body; a girl who feels she’s been made into a freak and would be rejected by society (just as Frankenstein’s creature is).  I actually mention the novel within my novel as Lucy has to study Frankenstein in her English class and sees parallels between the creature and how she perceives herself. 
        
4. Have you always like the classics? Is Frankenstein your favourite?

Yes, I love many of the classics. For me, Dickens is the ultimate storyteller, but I’ll also reread Thomas Hardy (who admittedly is a bit depressing), John Steinbeck and Oscar Wilde.  The literary achievements of the Bronte sisters leave me in awe and I love the wildness of ‘Wuthering Heights’. However, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is a particular favourite of mine. Even two hundred years after its publication it remains such an influential book.

Its theme of the perils of scientists playing God seem to chime with each generation. It’s amazing to think that Mary Shelley was only eighteen years old when she started writing the story.  She wrote it in response to a challenge laid down by Lord Byron when they spent a summer in a villa on the shores of Lake Geneva and were confined indoors due to unseasonal stormy weather. She really was ahead of her time.  

5. What is the most challenging part of writing a book?

Having the stamina to keep going.  For me, writing a novel is like running a marathon.  It can be exhausting, frustrating, emotionally draining and sometimes you feel like giving up, but if you feel compelled to tell your story (and tell it as best as you can) you find the reserves to keep going (even through all the editing and rewrites!)

6. I think this book raises a lot of questions and I found myself overthinking everything once I'd finished. Did you want to write a book that left your readers thinking?

Zoe, I’m delighted that you kept thinking about Shell even once you’d finished! I’d love readers to find the story thought-provoking as well as an entertaining thriller. I’ve written Shell in first person, all from Lucy’s point of view, because I’m attempting to make it as immersive as possible i.e, to try to make the reader feel that they’re in Lucy’s head, so experiencing all that she’s going through in another girl’s body, having to live a lie.  There are several themes running throughout the story including how far you’d go to stay alive, and how far would/should a parent go to save their child.  There are also issues about how society treats you just because of the way you look and a complex relationship between Lucy and her mother and Lucy and her best friend but, at the heart of the novel, is the big question of ‘what makes us who we are?’  This is something that we all struggle with but for Lucy, trapped in another girl’s body, this question is the most difficult of all.

7. Which books are you recommending at the moment? Would love to know your current read!

I’ve recently read Alex Wheatle’s ‘Crongton Knights’. I loved the vibrant use of language in this great read about McKay and his friends who live on the Crongton Estate.  Alex deals with some serious issues whilst delivering an entertaining story.

The last book I read was ‘Close Your Eyes’ by Nicci Cloke – a really well constructed plot, telling the story of the run-up to a (fictional) High School shooting.  It feels realistic, unsentimental, tightly written and intriguing. 

8. Last question. Do you have any advice for any budding writers?

I suppose the best advice is to get writing.  This may sound far too basic but, in reality, I come across so many people who tell me that they want to be a writer, or that they have a great story but they haven’t actually attempted to get it down on paper.  If you feel passionate about a story then get it written.  You can always come back to a rough first draft and make it better but, without something to work on, you’ll always just be someone who wants to be a writer. 

A Thousand Perfect Notes
Rating: 5/5
Buy/Borrow: Buy
Source: Proof courtesy of Team BKMRK (Published 7th June 2018)

Beck hates his life. He hates his violent mother. He hates his home. Most of all, he hates the piano that his mother forces him to play hour after hour, day after day. He will never play as she did before illness ended her career and left her bitter and broken. But Beck is too scared to stand up to his mother, and tell her his true passion, which is composing his own music - because the least suggestion of rebellion on his part ends in violence.

When Beck meets August, a girl full of life, energy and laughter, love begins to awaken within him and he glimpses a way to escape his painful existence. But dare he reach for it?

Thrilling and powerfully written, this is an explosive debut for YA readers which tackles the dark topic of domestic abuse in an ultimately hopeful tale.

Since a very young age I have always loved travelling. I'm not sure if it's because my mum was always a holiday lover, and I followed suit; or if it was just something I was interested in. I used to go on between 4-6 holidays a year, we even had an apartment in Turkey at one point. I really was so lucky, and it's now that I'm older I realised how blessed I was to have travelled so well, at such a young age. This may seem like a very odd post to be putting on a book blog, but they're related, I promise. 

I say they're related, because now I prefer being transported to another world/country/place in a book, than actually travelling to the places. I know this may sound odd, but my health has deteriorated, which makes flying almost impossible; my anxiety knows no bounds when my brain lets it know that I'm boarding a plane; more importantly, my traveller needs are satisfied at the moment. 

I wanted to talk about some of the places I've been. It can be hard not going on so many holidays a year now, so I like to remind myself of my favourite places on down days. Here are my top 6 holiday destinations (in no particular order).

1. Gambia, Africa.
I'm not sure why, but whenever someone asks me what my favourite holiday was as a child, this is always my answer. We had to have several injections and take medication to go, but I'd do it all again tomorrow. I have never felt as relaxed and carefree, as I did on that holiday. It was scorching hot, we couldn't really use the pool, we weren't supposed to leave the hotel for safety reasons - but it was fantastic. Mind you, that didn't stop my mum from taking me to a monkey sanctuary. We fed them nuts and had lunch with the locals, it was utterly fantastic, and a once in a lifetime experience.

2. New York, North America.
This is an easy one. I love cities. Even though I hate crowds, I hate busy places - cities are my favourite. Everyone that knows me always says how strange that is, but it's true. There was something so magical about New York. I think it helped that I went around Christmas time, and it snowed pretty much the whole time. I even went on a helicopter ride over New York City and sat at the front with the pilot, it was absolutely surreal. 

3. (Disneyland) France, Europe.
I've been here 3 times now. Disneyland Paris is without doubt, my favourite place in the world. As I type this, I can feel tears stinging my eyes. I aim to go here at least once a year, even now - it's just my home. When I'm there, everything just feels right. My chronic illness doesn't play up, my anxiety lessens - it really has magical powers. And I love meeting Princesses; I'll never be too old for that.

4. Egypt, Africa.
When I was 13/14, I was lucky enough to go on a Nile Cruise. I was obsessed with Egyptology from a very young age and Anubis was probably my favourite person growing up. The Nile Cruise is something I remember so vividly. We saw so many amazing sights in Egypt, I couldn't possibly name them all - it was just beautiful. It was also the place I first tried broccoli - yay?

5. (Disneyworld) Florida, North America.
Again, I've been here 3 times. Seems to be the recurring thing for Disney. Twice with my dad and once with my god-mum. As much as I love Disneyworld, if you really think I'm sitting on a plane for 12 hours +, when I can hop on a 2 hour train to Disneyland - you're wrong. It was always magnificent though, Universal Studios is incredible and I'll never forget the first time I went on The Mummy Ride and realising how much I loved roller-coasters. 

6. Turkey, Europe/Asia.
I couldn't not mention Turkey. As I said earlier, we had an apartment here, on a mountain, and it really was one of the most beautiful, remote places I'd ever been. Turkey wasn't a big tourist destination at the time, and some years it felt like I was in Turkey more than I was England. But I would never complain, the escapism to that apartment was glorious and selling it was awful. Especially as I left my Pokemon Yahtzee in the wardrobe. 

I have been to so many more places; to name a few: Tunisia (Africa), Gulf of Mexico (America), Majorca (Europe), Mallorca, (Europe), Ibiza (Europe), Greece (Europe), Tenerife (Europe).

Don't get me wrong, I still go on holidays - they're just very close. The maximum I can do now is a 2 hour flight to Spain, or a 2 hour train to Paris - but that's okay. If I didn't have books helping to fill the travel void, I think I'd go crazy. I'm lucky that I can find true escapism in a book, and really feel as though I'm with the characters. 

I'm hoping one day my health will miraculously get better and I can travel again to my heart's content. Japan and Egypt are two destinations I hope to visit in the years to come. And if not? I always have my books. 

I've known Rebecca for a while now and she's fast become one of my closest blogger friends; we really have accomplished so much together. So when she messaged me and told me she was thinking of starting her own bookish candle company, I pushed her to do it in any way that I could. She is so creative and artistic, I knew she'd be absolutely perfect for the job.

Rebecca has done amazingly with her first two candles and I'm so excited to reveal the third because it definitely does not disappoint. If you want to keep up to date with everything Taken Moons, you can do so here.

Hello everybody! I'm writing this post today about an idea that I've had that has seemed to go down amazingly so far. Yesterday, The Globe theatre announced their Summer Season of shows and Othello was among them. I've wanted to see Othello for so many years now, and have missed out on many opportunities - so what better way to see it than with fellow bookish people? You don't have to be a blogger, just part of the bookish community. Authors, bloggers, YouTubers, publishers, readers - everyone is welcome.

There are around 30 people interested already, so this will definitely be happening. Here's some more information:

• The Globe is situated in London and is a 10 minute walk from underground stations, Blackfriars and Mansion House.
• There are a wide range of tickets. It seems most of us will be buying standing tickets, which are £5. You are very involved with the show if you're standing, so if this is something you're not comfortable with, sitting may be better for you. Seated tickets start at £22. If you're using a wheelchair, you can still buy a standing ticket and be very involved, from the comfort of your chair. If you're under 18, you get £3 off your ticket.
• If you'd like more information on the show's plot and cast, you can do so here.
• There is a Pizza Express opposite the venue that I thought we could lunch in before/after the show - depending the running time of the show and the show times (which are released very soon).

First of all, Happy 2018 to whichever gorgeous person is reading this and I hope you've all had a fantastic start to the year. It seems to be that no matter how productive or positive I'm feeling; at the start of a new year, a reading slump hits me hard. I look at my towering TBR piles, wondering which world to escape to next and my brain just screams one thing: "none".

This slump lasted 4 months this time last year and I will not let that happen again. Am I really going to write myself a post to coax myself out of a reading slump? Why, yes. Yes I am.

1. HIDE ALL TBRs.
Let's be honest. When you're in a reading slump, there is nothing worse than staring at the mountain of books you have to get through. The longer I stare at the them, the deeper I get into my slump. Put them away, they'll still be there if, and when you need them.

2. DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF.
As blogging and YouTubing is my job now, it's very tempting to force myself into reading books to ensure I have new books to talk and type about. Another honest moment. If you're not into reading a book, your writing about it probably won't be the best. I usually force myself to read in a slump and not only is the experience awful for me, but my reviews aren't anyway near up to scratch as they usually are.

3. GO TO LIBRARIES.
You do not have to read. Just wander around. Looking at books that you have no obligation to read is really refreshing. Your TBR pile seems insignificant next to the thousands of books you've not read in a library. I usually find myself steering towards a few books during this time, and newfound motivation to read them.

4. REREAD.
I haven't been able to read any books I've not read, but throw me an old favourite and I'll devour it in a few hours. The familiarity of the words, the characters, the world, will hopefully spark your love of reading again. And if it doesn't, who cares? You just got to read your favourite book again.

5. TALK TO BLOGGERS.
Now this seems like an obvious one, but I can not tell you how much it helps. A fellow bookworm may suggest a book they're loving. They may tell you they're in a reading slump too and suggest buddy reading. They could just offer you advice, like this blog post. Either way, talking makes you feel less alone, in anything. 

Never feel bad for not being able to finish, or even start a book. Sometimes your brain needs a break and that's okay. If you're struggling with content for your blog due to lack of reading, try doing some book tags, advice/tips, interviews, or lists of your favourite books - I know I'll be doing this until I can get myself out of this slump.